Families/Couples

 

Family Therapy

 

There are no rules today for what a normal family looks like.

All families have problems and experience conflict, that is not unusual.

 

 

There is no blame or shaming in family therapy as a family is viewed as a sacred system where each family member is a valued member of that system.

 

When there are issues it brings to light the areas of the system that require attention, new strategies and a fresh approach for all family members to resolve conflict and create a more harmonious and loving family unit. These are thoroughly and respectfully explored in family therapy.

 

When it works, family is our security and our safe-haven where we develop functional patterns of relating to others, as well as expectations of how others will relate to us. This then becomes the internal template for what we can expect from others in the world. Early childhood experiences with primary caregivers (often but not always parents) shape our expectations of future relationships. 

 

When family relationships are conflicted and unresolved, they may fail to provide the safety and security necessary for a child to go out into the world.

 

Parental conflict, conflict between children and parents, or between siblings, or with in-laws, can all be major obstacles to the family functioning well and its members being happy.

 

Consider the following when evaluating how well your own family is functioning:

• Is there fun or humour within your family?
• Do parents intentionally help strengthen relationships between family members?
• Does your family have rules that have been clearly stated and are evenly applied, yet flexible?
• Is communication clear and consistent?
• Are the family's expectations of each person reasonable, realistic, mutually agreed upon and generally fulfilled?
• Is expressing of emotions, both positive and negative, allowed and processed sufficiently?
• Do family members achieve most of their individual goals, and are their personal needs being met? Do parents and children have genuine respect for one another showing love, caring, empathy, trust, and concern, even when there are disagreements?
• Is your family able to mature and change without everyone getting upset or unhappy?

Some signs that things aren’t working are:

• Opposing mini-alliances or sub-groups are formed within the family.
• There is parental conflict. Even though parents try to hide their problems, children inevitably pick up that something is wrong.
• All the children seem happy and well-adjusted except one. If one child is ‘acting up’ there are usually reasons for this that connect with the entire family and its dynamics.
• One parent feels the need to constantly side with the children against the other parent.
• One parent cannot interact freely with the children without the other parent interfering.

 

The Blended Family

 

Bringing two families together under the one roof can be ambitious and challenging but also a harmonious and successful union.

The blending of ‘your’ and ‘my’ children into a new family is something that requires discussion and a strong game plan before the merging of families.

New couples sometimes may assume that because their chosen partner is a suitable person for them, their respective children will view their new parents in the same way.

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There are many other potential challenges when forming a blended family. 

• blending homes and finances
• challenges with including the “new spouse” in decision-making about the stepchildren
• children feeling jealousy toward the other children
• children having loyalty issues between their natural parents and stepparents
• continuing relationships with friends and family members associated with past marriages
• ensuring the new marriage has appropriate time and attention
• entanglements, both positive and negative, with ex-spouses
• establishing the identity of the “new” family
• guarding against too high of expectations for the new marriage and family
• implementing rules and discipline - who does what
• ongoing interaction with ex-spouses

The success of your blended family depends on having a clear plan involving the co-operation of all family members. To do this requires new skills, discussions and a well-thought-out plan.

 

Family counselling can be a great help in making it possible to harmoniously form such a plan in a way which includes everyone.  

 

Step Parenting

 

Every family situation is unique and step parents play just as important a role in family life as biological parents, they

are often primary carers and also provide role modeling and support to children.

We assist new step parents, assist issues that arise in relationships and give support and strategies to ensure healthy relationships between partners and children.

 

Couples

 

Humans never outgrow the need for a secure relationship.

 

Counselling can assist couples in relationship because there is a science behind love. It may sound strange for "love" to be

described that way but love really is about bonding or as it is known in psychology, 'attachment".

 

After 30 years of scientific research, clinical studies , laboratory experiments, and applied therapies into attachment and adult bonding, we now know that love is logical, practical and understandable.

 

Every relationship is unique and has its own life and characteristics that define it.

 

In couples counselling we explore the relationship dynamics and all aspects of the couple that make the relationship tick and functional and all apsects that make it dysfunctional at times and create hurt and pain for each other.

 

It is often emotional distance and not conflict that destroys relationships and marriages however working on these issues and having a greater self awareness of oneself and the other person can provide compassion and healing.